While the laundry is washing...

So I don't know if this is a fair moment to mull over my endless thoughts about a second child.  I just spent an hour and a half trying to get my son to sleep.  And I'm pretty sure with the way things are going, this is how he is going to go sleep until he is 19...so how could I even fathom another kid?!  Ha.  I'm so tired.  But I keep telling myself only 3 more days of getting up at 5:30am, and then I get to sleep in until 8am for five days in a row!!

Gosh.  I've typed a sentence (heck, a paragraph) in this slot 3 or 4 times now...and have erased it.  I don't know how to start.  This isn't really supposed to be a serious post.  Just some whimsical thoughts about the craziness that is parenting.

It seems like the "pressure" to have a second child is sort of worst than having the first.  At least for us, anyways.  And really, it's not outside pressure.  Nobody is harping us, ha! :)

But I guess since our first wasn't really expected to happen...it makes planning (or wishing) for another one tricky.  I don't want to say difficult...it's not difficult because we want another one...just tricky in how to make it all work (hopefully).

We've always wanted 2 kids.  You know those fun, quirky, long night conversations you have before you get married (but you know you're talking with the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with)?  Two kids was always our dream.  A Maverick, and a Ruby.

Obviously we believed that God would decide, ultimately.  And we didn't know the very unexpected road God would take us on with Robbie's cancer.  Through it all, He blessed (more than blessed!) us with our Maverick.  And if he is our only child, we are beyond forever grateful.  Beyond. 

Until recently (this Sunday as a matter of fact) I've really had this heavy on my heart: I've limited myself and my expectations of God to this "ideal" timeline and plan.  For as many times as I've read in scripture about people who think they've figured it all out...you'd think I would've given myself a huge forehead slap a long time ago, ha!  :)

I'm so glad that God never gives up on me.  I'm a mess.  But I am His creation, and I've been put on this earth for Him.  I need to re-focus on that first.  It's so hard when everyday life, emotions, and people get in the way!  But really...its in everyday life, emotions, and people that God works in us, and through us.

And it's really, really hard to not look around and focus on what others are doing.  What kind of jobs they have, if they get to stay home, how many kids they have, what their house looks like, where they went on vacation, etc, etc, etc.  Every time I start to think about it I hear, "That's their story.  Not yours.  Don't be envious.  You'll miss what I have for you.  What I've designed especially for you."  

And I'm so glad that He is outside of my timeline and what I think is best.  :)

Wow, ha!  Didn't plan on pouring out my heart. :)

Really need to stop my over-use of smiley faces.

                              :)